Bagel

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bagel
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Bagel

Postby bagel » Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:55 pm

How I met the Team Delta Pigs? Well, take a seat. It all started long, long ago. I was making my way through a small town. I was a Demoman for hire, and times were tough. I had made a stop at the local saloon, but I would never have guessed in a million years that stepping through those swinging double doors would change the course of my life forever.

It was a hole in the wall, but had a lively atmosphere to it. My attention had been taken grasp by a group of gentlemen hunched around a table in the back. They were playing some type of table-top game. I was immediately drawn to their attire. Their corn cob pipes, monocles, their three piece suits complete with ornate ascot ties, and not to mention their elegantly embroidered top hats. But most of all, it was their absolutely lavish beards, decorated with Dorito dust and other food particles that caught the light from the room like ornaments on a Christmas tree. Safe to say, this was the crowd for me.

I gather my courage and make my way to their table. “H-hello gentlemen. Mind if I pull up a stool?” I ask. At this moment, the ragtime jazz band stopped playing. In fact, the entire saloon went quiet as a mouse. One of the men, who in fact had one of the more impressive beards on his face, but whose eyes were obstructed from my view by the rim of his hat, raised his 180 watt vape to his mouth, and took a long, smooth drag. He slowly raised his head to meet eyes with mine. He exhaled, immersing me in a milky cloud of what I would later learn was Big Nutta Wich peanut butter and marshmallow on chocolate bread vape. I was shaking in my spurred boots. “Pleased to meet you, partner. You can call me Trucks. Care to join us in 7 Wonders?” The ragtime band started right where they left off (god damn were they good), the saloon was once again a lively hub of festivity. I grab a seat.

“The name is Bagel. I suppose you’ll be wanting to hear my story. I don’t like to tell people my story, but you’ve been so very kind.

Life. You could say it started when I was a kid. Like most folks, I’ve always been different. But, not like the others. Other kids could be cruel, they’d call me names. Dweeb, chimp, honky, dweeby chimp, honky dweeb, and worst of all: Chomsky honk. Did you know there’s over 87 combinations of those soul scolding words? I found out the hard way.

Adolescence was better. Went to the prom with a model. But she left with some jock. Dyke. But then I felt something in my gut: The palpable suspicion that I had a deeper calling in life. So I sought out the wisdom of the ancients. Exploring the spirit realm of the soul. One day, tragedy struck. I was groping enlightenment in my bedroom, and before you could scream “murder by arson”, our house was on fire. Couldn’t save my parents… Coroner ruled it a simple case of death by mysterious fire, but I always sensed there was something… fishy about it. Needless to say my so-called father was a scientist in some top secret capacity I have yet to unveil… yet…yet…yet!

So now, I wander the country, looking for the man who killed my father, and, I suppose, seeking answers to less tangible questions of life. If I help a few folk along the way, so be it.”

And the rest was history.
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STOGE
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Location: Paisley, Scotland
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Re: Bagel

Postby STOGE » Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:58 pm

:clap:
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TDP-Trucks
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Re: Bagel

Postby TDP-Trucks » Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:01 am

200 watts actually. Application denied.
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